12 posts tagged “boys”

... and jerk it is. So that's that then.

Next!

it begins again. I don't know anything about him. Not anything that matters. I need to know more before I can make any judgments. Right now it's just some fantasy based on the superficial crap that I know have been told.

Well, it's all in good fun anyway. As long as I'm aware of that, it's okay. A girl needs some sort of entertainment.

Had one of those dreams last night that are so vivid that the lingering emotions leave you feeling uneasy the next day.

He was here, wherever 'here' was in the dream, a mishmash of places that are familiar to me. We were hanging out having fun, maybe smiling wistfully at one another? I can't quite remember. Then, he was gone. Left or disappeared, I can't recall. Then someone found a notebook/diary of his, and I read it (had trouble turning the pages to the end, where I knew held a message, because the pages were stuck), and it had some sort of suicide note as the last entry, which was written to me. Then there was this dealing with the emotions that I should have known, that he was here to say goodbye.

The lingering emotions today have left me thinking about how I feel about him. I still care a great deal, but now it feels like he's a brother, it's that kind of love. I'm glad I got closure, it was very easy to let go. Easier than I ever thought it would be, and different to the other times when I had told myself I'd let go, but really hadn't.

Two weeks? A fortnight?

Two weeks. If my detective skills are what I believe they may be.

Two MORE weeks to be more precise. Makes, like, five and a half weeks.

Blargh. *sigh*

I saw Raja today. My god, it was fantastic, I am so happy that he turned out well. He's still as adorable as he was way back then. He meant so much to me for such a long time, it was really special catching up with him again after all this time when it just never occurred to me that I ever would.
I'll most likely see him again next Tuesday on my way through.

The facebook gods were smiling down on me that day weren't they?

That boy I mentioned on an earlier post? My crush from primary school? We'll call him Raja.
Well, I had a chat to him on facebook the other night, it was great! He still has that cheeky sense of humour that I adored. It just seems so strange to me, because it's someone that I never ever expected to hear from again, and yet along comes facebook! There are times that I don't like facebook, but it's times like this that I love it.

Now, if only Falcon Errill would join!

"If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life"

Oscar Wilde.

I saw this quote today in a store and for a moment the irrational, emotional part of me thought that it could be true. I, however, am not an entirely irrational person, so I know it's far from true. I'll only wait until someone equal or better comes along.

I've been great again lately, so maybe this crap lasts for shorter periods now. I didn't miss the fact that he didn't call the other day.

Boys boys boys!

In relation to that recent post, I had a Falcon Errill dream last night! He was all growed up and still totally sexy :D

Also, the boy I had a crush on for like two years in primary school just friended me on facebook. He looks like he's doing well! Man, he was the most adorable kid ever.

There are only three people that I have been involved with heavily enough to affect my subconscious to the extent that I have, or have had in the past, recurring realistic dreams about them.

The first to have this affect on me we'll call Salters Nelson. He brings me dreams of being trapped, of anxiety, of not being able to escape. I had those dreams for a long time, even up to five years after the fact, but now they are few and far between, and I can't remember the last time I had one. I'm glad to see the back of them.

The second we'll call Falcon Errill. He brings me dreams of lust and sex. I like those ones, and have had them relatively recently, which is at least 6 years after the fact. I think of him sometimes, and would like to know how things turned out for him.

The third needs no introduction. He brings me dreams of love. Always unrequited, except for that very first dream. Those ones leave me utterly despondent and broken with yearning when I wake. It would probably be for the best if they went away, but somehow I still don't want them to, and I doubt whether they will any time soon.