Had one of those dreams last night that are so vivid that the lingering emotions leave you feeling uneasy the next day.
He was here, wherever 'here' was in the dream, a mishmash of places that are familiar to me. We were hanging out having fun, maybe smiling wistfully at one another? I can't quite remember. Then, he was gone. Left or disappeared, I can't recall. Then someone found a notebook/diary of his, and I read it (had trouble turning the pages to the end, where I knew held a message, because the pages were stuck), and it had some sort of suicide note as the last entry, which was written to me. Then there was this dealing with the emotions that I should have known, that he was here to say goodbye.
The lingering emotions today have left me thinking about how I feel about him. I still care a great deal, but now it feels like he's a brother, it's that kind of love. I'm glad I got closure, it was very easy to let go. Easier than I ever thought it would be, and different to the other times when I had told myself I'd let go, but really hadn't.
