Had one of those dreams last night that are so vivid that the lingering emotions leave you feeling uneasy the next day.
He was here, wherever 'here' was in the dream, a mishmash of places that are familiar to me. We were hanging out having fun, maybe smiling wistfully at one another? I can't quite remember. Then, he was gone. Left or disappeared, I can't recall. Then someone found a notebook/diary of his, and I read it (had trouble turning the pages to the end, where I knew held a message, because the pages were stuck), and it had some sort of suicide note as the last entry, which was written to me. Then there was this dealing with the emotions that I should have known, that he was here to say goodbye.
The lingering emotions today have left me thinking about how I feel about him. I still care a great deal, but now it feels like he's a brother, it's that kind of love. I'm glad I got closure, it was very easy to let go. Easier than I ever thought it would be, and different to the other times when I had told myself I'd let go, but really hadn't.
Two weeks? A fortnight?
Two weeks. If my detective skills are what I believe they may be.
Two MORE weeks to be more precise. Makes, like, five and a half weeks.
Blargh. *sigh*
I saw Raja today. My god, it was fantastic, I am so happy that he turned out well. He's still as adorable as he was way back then. He meant so much to me for such a long time, it was really special catching up with him again after all this time when it just never occurred to me that I ever would.
I'll most likely see him again next Tuesday on my way through.
The facebook gods were smiling down on me that day weren't they?
I am a smitten kitten. I think I might have to marry him. But only if he wears a kilt.
*swoon*
I think someone may have created a my perfect boy and then created a facebook profile for him just to trick me.
Seriously, random facebook guy? You seem pretty fantastic, and I'm having a lot of fun ;)
And it feels really good. I think I've finally let go, and I'm excited about what's to come in life. I was surprised at how little I cared, but I have no regrets about anything that happened.
To not do it and just leave things as they were? I'm not happy with things how they were, so I don't care all that much if it fucks up a friendship. He's to blame for that anyway.
The decision is made - all that is left is to hit that send button on Monday.
When (if) I can get my head around this, I'll write more.
... was a good handful of hope.
